My morning as Joseph K

My fridge freezer is dying. One bit of the freezer is hot. This is not the normal state of affairs.
But I have a 5 year warranty - paid for it when I bought the house in 2006.
I have all the paperwork because I am just that sort of person.

Phoned manufacturer - directed to an 0844 number for service department.
Get through to muppet #1 who asked for my warranty number.
No such number on the paperwork. But I have an invoice number. Not interested, says muppet#1.
Muppet #1 says can't help without warranty number and hangs up.

Phoned back. Got muppet #2
Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty, argues that my paperwork can't be valid and hangs up.

Phoned back. Got muppet #3
Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty. "Stop" I squeak. Muppet #3 agrees to email manufacturer and will call me back IF I have a valid warranty. Says no point in taking my phone number since, if I have warranty, it will be on the system. Hangs up.

Phoned manufacturer again. Hit random set of numbers until I got a human bean. "Don't hang up," I plead.
HB#1 searches database using my name, address and invoice number on the warranty document. The latter finds me. They have me as "Again Mad" not "Mad Again".
HB#1 tells me to call 0844 number for service department and give them the information about the name and the invoice number since they are using the same database. HB#1 tells me to give them her name as well.

Phoned back to service department. Got muppet #4.
Explain it ALL again. Muppet #4 searches system and says can't find me. Says they've never heard of HB#1. Hangs up.

Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#2. "Don't hang up", I plead. "Please can I speak to HB#1".
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ...
HB#1 comes back on phone. Listens patiently and says she will put me through to another HB who will sort it out.
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ... and then I'm cut off.

Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#3. "Don't hang up, I plead". Please can I speak to HB#1.
HB#3 says that HB#1 is on the phone but can she call me back.

Twenty minutes later, HB#1 calls back and says that she will put me through to HB#4 who will sort the problem out.
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ...
Just when I think that it's all gone wrong again, HB#4 comes on the line with all the background. An engineer will call me today.

None of this has actually fixed the darned thing.

And I will be spending the weekend making strange and interesting dishes. Vegetarian bolognese sauce with a garnish of gooseberries. Blackberry and gammon crumble. Bread pudding and German sausage. Any takers?