A couple of weeks ago, while There, I walked to the top of a local hill where there is an iron age hillfort. The views are breathtaking.
At the top, there were three red kite, wheeling and swooping. Ignoring me completely. That's the moment when remembered that I'm still alive. They're carrion eaters, you see. If I wasn't alive, then I'd have been their Sunday lunch. I laughed aloud. Mad woman, laughing to herself at the top of the hill.
At the turn of the year, a couple of days before Mossie died, I looked out at 2009 and thought, "Am I happy?" A great philosopher (alright, Graham Norton) said: Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you get. So no, not happy but learning to get there. Content, if not happy yet. Having lived through the misery of losing the most treasured relationship that I have known with another adult, I am not brave enough to risk betrayal and pain again. But looking into the future, I could see a route through to contentment. The companionship that was lost when Mossie died was part of that contentment. Sitting on the rock in the middle of the hillfort, I decided that three months was enough. I would get another dog. And the next time I would climb this hill, I would have a dog to share the views.
So here we are, enjoying the views.
That would be a blind dog then. Like I said, happiness is wanting what you get.
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