Friday, October 8, 2010

Happy Birthday, Madette




Today I've had my quota of believing six impossible things before breakfast.

First, it was my birthday yesterday and I cannot believe my age. But I downed it before breakfast.

Secondly, I share my birthday (date and year) with Vladimir Putin. What was that strange and bitter taste?

Thirdly, that Spottie the Git decided to wake me up at 02:31 to have a wander outside. Needed a cup of tea for that one.

Fourthly, the Labour party had a choice of two Millipedes and chose the wrong one. I swallowed that one with a banana which may have something to do with the decision.

Fifthly, Madette is 29 years old today. Gulp.

Lastly, and this really is hard to chew. A bit like Shredded Wheat. You can chew it for hours but it will never get past the tonsils. Tomorrow, Madette will be exactly the same age I was when she was born.

Chance made you my daughter;
love made you my friend

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Happy Birthday, Vlad



Yes... it is my big day too. And no, it's not me posing with him.

Friday, October 1, 2010

My morning as Joseph K



My fridge freezer is dying. One bit of the freezer is hot. This is not the normal state of affairs.
But I have a 5 year warranty - paid for it when I bought the house in 2006.
I have all the paperwork because I am just that sort of person.

Phoned manufacturer - directed to an 0844 number for service department.
Get through to muppet #1 who asked for my warranty number.
No such number on the paperwork. But I have an invoice number. Not interested, says muppet#1.
Muppet #1 says can't help without warranty number and hangs up.

Phoned back. Got muppet #2
Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty, argues that my paperwork can't be valid and hangs up.

Phoned back. Got muppet #3
Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty. "Stop" I squeak. Muppet #3 agrees to email manufacturer and will call me back IF I have a valid warranty. Says no point in taking my phone number since, if I have warranty, it will be on the system. Hangs up.

Phoned manufacturer again. Hit random set of numbers until I got a human bean. "Don't hang up," I plead.
HB#1 searches database using my name, address and invoice number on the warranty document. The latter finds me. They have me as "Again Mad" not "Mad Again".
HB#1 tells me to call 0844 number for service department and give them the information about the name and the invoice number since they are using the same database. HB#1 tells me to give them her name as well.

Phoned back to service department. Got muppet #4.
Explain it ALL again. Muppet #4 searches system and says can't find me. Says they've never heard of HB#1. Hangs up.

Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#2. "Don't hang up", I plead. "Please can I speak to HB#1".
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ...
HB#1 comes back on phone. Listens patiently and says she will put me through to another HB who will sort it out.
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ... and then I'm cut off.

Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#3. "Don't hang up, I plead". Please can I speak to HB#1.
HB#3 says that HB#1 is on the phone but can she call me back.

Twenty minutes later, HB#1 calls back and says that she will put me through to HB#4 who will sort the problem out.
I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ...
Just when I think that it's all gone wrong again, HB#4 comes on the line with all the background. An engineer will call me today.

None of this has actually fixed the darned thing.

And I will be spending the weekend making strange and interesting dishes. Vegetarian bolognese sauce with a garnish of gooseberries. Blackberry and gammon crumble. Bread pudding and German sausage. Any takers?

Followers