Today I've had my quota of believing six impossible things before breakfast.
First, it was my birthday yesterday and I cannot believe my age. But I downed it before breakfast.
Secondly, I share my birthday (date and year) with Vladimir Putin. What was that strange and bitter taste?
Thirdly, that Spottie the Git decided to wake me up at 02:31 to have a wander outside. Needed a cup of tea for that one.
Fourthly, the Labour party had a choice of two Millipedes and chose the wrong one. I swallowed that one with a banana which may have something to do with the decision.
Fifthly, Madette is 29 years old today. Gulp.
Lastly, and this really is hard to chew. A bit like Shredded Wheat. You can chew it for hours but it will never get past the tonsils. Tomorrow, Madette will be exactly the same age I was when she was born.
Chance made you my daughter; love made you my friend
My fridge freezer is dying. One bit of the freezer is hot. This is not the normal state of affairs. But I have a 5 year warranty - paid for it when I bought the house in 2006. I have all the paperwork because I am just that sort of person.
Phoned manufacturer - directed to an 0844 number for service department. Get through to muppet #1 who asked for my warranty number. No such number on the paperwork. But I have an invoice number. Not interested, says muppet#1. Muppet #1 says can't help without warranty number and hangs up.
Phoned back. Got muppet #2 Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty, argues that my paperwork can't be valid and hangs up.
Phoned back. Got muppet #3 Searches database, Can't find me, Says therefore I do not have warranty. "Stop" I squeak. Muppet #3 agrees to email manufacturer and will call me back IF I have a valid warranty. Says no point in taking my phone number since, if I have warranty, it will be on the system. Hangs up.
Phoned manufacturer again. Hit random set of numbers until I got a human bean. "Don't hang up," I plead. HB#1 searches database using my name, address and invoice number on the warranty document. The latter finds me. They have me as "Again Mad" not "Mad Again". HB#1 tells me to call 0844 number for service department and give them the information about the name and the invoice number since they are using the same database. HB#1 tells me to give them her name as well.
Phoned back to service department. Got muppet #4. Explain it ALL again. Muppet #4 searches system and says can't find me. Says they've never heard of HB#1. Hangs up.
Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#2. "Don't hang up", I plead. "Please can I speak to HB#1". I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ... HB#1 comes back on phone. Listens patiently and says she will put me through to another HB who will sort it out. I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ... and then I'm cut off.
Phoned manufacturer. Hit random set of numbers until I got HB#3. "Don't hang up, I plead". Please can I speak to HB#1. HB#3 says that HB#1 is on the phone but can she call me back.
Twenty minutes later, HB#1 calls back and says that she will put me through to HB#4 who will sort the problem out. I wait on hold while listening to music interspersed with spiel about how reliable their products are ... Just when I think that it's all gone wrong again, HB#4 comes on the line with all the background. An engineer will call me today.
None of this has actually fixed the darned thing.
And I will be spending the weekend making strange and interesting dishes. Vegetarian bolognese sauce with a garnish of gooseberries. Blackberry and gammon crumble. Bread pudding and German sausage. Any takers?