ROMANES EUNT DOMUS

The BNP have elaborated on their policies. I can't even write "BNP" without feeling ashamed. Let's get it right. The Fascists.

They are planning to offer grants for people to voluntarily resettle in the lands of their ethnic origin. Right: hand over the money and I'll be back over the Severn Bridge as quick as a flash. Ah no. On closer reading, it's about foreigners.

I am deeply ashamed that my country (yes, MY COUNTRY) can countenance the claptrap spouted by these people. I am proud of the fact that we can give homes to people who are oppressed in their own country. My son and daughter would never have been born if their father's family hadn't fled to Britain from the pogroms of Eastern Europe.

And the economic migrants. They come to our country and work in our hospital and offices and CLEAN them. I confess that I nicked that line from Jeremy Hardy on last week's News Quiz.

If we believe in our freedoms, then I suppose that the BNP are entitled to hold and promote their opinions. But we really do need to look critically at their data. Looking at information from the Office of National Statistics, rather than the Daily Mail, it is likely that approximately 10% of people living in Britain were not born here. That's about 6 million people, give or take. And how many British people choose to live or work abroad. About 5.5 million. So the net is about half a million. This number is subject to some churn as people return to their country and others travel abroad but, overall, there is a net inflow of about half a million. It's reckoned that this may have reversed in the current economic climate.

The problem is about ghettoisation and disaffection. That applies to young men being redicalised by strange and undesirable religious leaders but much more so to the underclass of uneducated young white males. Yes, it's not easy but I am proud that I belong to a tolerant country that has been enriched not diminished by migration.

Now then, about sorting out these foreigners. Who would they be? Damn, it'll only be a handful of us Beaker Folk left. All you Celts and Angles and Vikings can bugger off back to where you came from. And apparently, it'll be us Beaker Folk stuck up a few hills that will be sending you on your way.

And as for you Romans....

Romanes eunt domus ...er no... Romani ite domum.*


*Monty Python : "Life of Brian" Latin lesson by centurion for Brian daubing graffiti